"We learned a new concept called "Beingness", which is to completely "be" in a moment. To give your undivided attention to another person and completely focus on just them, and nothing else. How often do we have time to give someone that? With all the distractions and chaos that this life produces, we rarely have time to just "be". How often do we look at our child or a friend and just say, "Tell me everything about your day. You are the most important thing to me right now, and I have nowhere else to be, and I truly care, and will listen completely until you are done". Has anyone ever experienced "Beingness"? I know I have, on a few occasions, and those moments are treasured most in my memory. We learned about beingness in our class, because when you give a massage, you need to be at one with your client. You have nowhere else to be. You have a full hour to give, and you must give it your all. Ask questions like, "What does this person need from me?" What can I give to them that will make them feel better than when they first came to see me?" Giving a massage is ideally to be a moment of selflessness. Your complete at utter attention needs to be on them, and what they need from you. What a cool thing I get to do for people? I have the power to aid in healing someone! I only hope that I will be able to master Beingness, and I plan to practice this more in my everyday life."
As I read over that, I am filled with all the times that I had the privilege of experiencing beingness. Where I have truly felt the power of holding space for someone else.The experience of facilitating healing, not just of body, but of mind and spirit. Letting energy and love flow through. All the tears, the laughs, the anxieties, frustrations, the emotional, mental and physical baggage finally have the space to release. And all the while, I was healed, by creating this healing, safe space.
The 75 year old who has been coming to me nearly every week for 8 years, the baseball player I helped pitch again, the hair stylists who thought they needed surgery for Carpal Tunnel Syndrome but I fixed instead, the chronic migraines, fibromyalgia, herniated disks, scoliosis, frozen shoulders, healing from surgeries, sciatica, scar tissue, pregnancies, labors, postpartum, the woman who was bedridden and on disability before coming to me, and after a year of treatment, hiked the Y. The hurting, the touch-starved, the stressed. The babies who sleep better. The mommas who can now nurse without pain. The daddy's who shoulder so much. You are the reason. You have enriched my life in so many ways. It is an honor, of privilege, a GIFT.
My life is at a point of great upheaval and reevaluation of priorities. Having a fourth child has changed so much of how far I can stretch myself. I long to do it all, to find BALANCE. This has become harder and harder. With the loss of my nanny, my mother, my best friend to a few states away, to a husband whose business is expanding and needs support, to a child in 2nd grade, two in preschool, and a 1 year old, I am having trouble finding that balance. I am so desperately wanting to keep all my balls in the air, but in the process, my health has suffered terribly. 6 very difficult pregnancies in 8 years with no time for healing has taken it's toll. I need to heal, to find me, to serve my family. I have thought, prayed, considered every course, the pros and cons, and although my spirit and will and stubbornness and LOVE for massage, for my clients, for the WORK, has fought so hard to keep those balls up, it's time to take a step back. It's time to let it go, for now. And as I write this, tears stream down my face. I know that I will come back. I know that this is not the end. But as I am learning despite my stubborn heart, to everything there is a time and a season. And my babies are growing. And they won't stop. And I need to not miss it. And I need to heal.
So with a heart full of love, and bittersweet tears, Healing Power of Touch is closing at the end of October, for now. I will still continue to offer Hypnodoula Massage Doula services for the time being. Please don't forget me. Please remember that I love you all, and love this work. And I look forward to the season where I can give, and bring the healing power of touch to all those who seek it.
